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Alabama Becomes the First State to Ban ‘Radical Islam’

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Alabama has once again gone where no state has gone before: They’ve banned “radical Islam.” According to lawmakers in Montgomery, the practice is simply not welcome there:

“The radical Islamatists are not our friends, and we don’t support their ways. The great state of Alabama wants you to know that if you have pledged your loyalties to some extremist group that wants to kill Americans, you are not welcome here.”

The law came to be when Republican Senator Art Tubolls found no mention of a ban on the practices of radical Islamitites on the books in Alabama. He immediately ordered his staff to draw a bill making the practice of conspiring to do Americans harm illegal. “They certainly rose to the test,” Tubolls said, “They left no stone unturned.”

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Indeed, the law is iron-clad. Anyone in Alabama who willfully conspires to enact jihad against its people will be charged with a felony and removed from the state. Governor Jerry Wells is expected to sign the bill into law this afternoon.

The ACLU was asked to look into the new law and came to the conclusion that it was constitutional. “They made murder illegal in Alabama. Pretty sure it already was, but now it’s like…really illegal. The extremist version of every religion is illegal in the United States. Jews can’t kill their slaves and Christians can’t slaughter those who oppose the Lord. So…Now Muslims officially can’t jihad. Cool.”

The sign-off leaves little gray area. Democrats have vowed to challenge the law in court anyway.

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